Portals of the Heart

Key of Taylor

2010-01-03T00:22:00.003-07:00

A melody trapped beneath clumsy fingers and pingy vocal chords
Anxious to be released, it beats mercilessly
A time, a rhythm unique
It beats to my drummer
My beat, my drummer, Me.

Frustrated, it improvises a medley
Allegro Agitato, Pocco Piu Mosso
Andante
Frightened, I try to fight it

Suppressed, it beats louder
Pounding relentlessly in my head
But more importantly in my heart

Unable to resist the temptation
I succumb to my drummer
Self conscious of my off-beat time
Surprised to find it fits me perfectly

I crescendo to my hearts content
Staccato wherever I please
Strum to the strings of my dreams

Wet Laundry

2009-01-20T00:39:00.007-07:00

Exhausted emotions drive irrationally
Pinging off dented shells and empty rooms
Echoing with the broken hands of time

A makeshift laundry mat
Constructed to remove the stains of
Heartache, misery, rejection and sorrow

Leaves puddles of distress
Rippling mirrors of distorted memories
Spotted with twisting rainbows

Colors light the murky waters
Mixing soap and dirt; smiles and tears
Interrupted by the solemn, constant dripping

Of wet socks.

Mourning

2008-07-08T05:24:00.003-07:00

Obscenities scream in my head
Carbonated bubbles bounce mercilessly
Against the uniformed tin cans
The quickened pounding betrays me
Tears, the second traitor

My precious sanctuary lies in ruins
Destroyed by disease
Marred by illness proven invincible
Demolished, obliterated
Erased

Fumes invade my body
Nausea renders my spirit useless
Overwhelming waves of emotions crash
Releasing ocean spray so dangerous
I shrink from anticipation and spoiled dreams

Lightning cracks omniously off the cliff
Crackling dryly in the moist air
I long for the electrifying shock to free me
Falling silently I shut my eyes to the pain
The thunder echos my repressed screams

5 Minutes

2008-06-13T08:22:00.004-07:00

1:25 AM
I just don't know anymore.
Do you? Don't you?
Should I care? Maybe.
Do I care? Too much.

1:26 AM
I don't need you.
I don't need this heartache.
Leave me alone.
But don't leave me lonely.

1:27 AM
I'm drowning in nothingness.
Haunted by emotions and memories.
Dreams play through my mind.
Leaving me empty and hurt.

1:28 AM
Please...just go.
Stop unknowingly toying with me.
My heart can't take much longer.
The tears start falling...and don't stop.

1:29 AM
...
Is this love?
If it were a color, it would be grey.
Too sad to be white, too shady to be black.

1:30 AM
All I want is you to want me.
To hold me. Love me.
Tell me I'm ok, please.
My broken heart beats out of time.

Cascading Memories

2008-06-02T22:15:00.003-07:00

Lazy raindrops snake across the windshield
Blurring my vision, changing the world
Silently I trace the outline of our feelings
A fluid, ever changing shape

Time stands still
Locked in ice, frozen in motion
Our bodies finally fit the mold
Our feelings created months ago

As I watch the cleansing droplets spill
The wind brings an unwanted coolness over me
Content with memories of you and me
I finally feel at peace

Too Late To Turn Back

2008-04-30T04:15:00.002-07:00

In the hopes of falling in love
The arms race of happy endings
We met along the pathway
And ran together for a while

But I stumbled on our journey
Reached out to grab your hand
You looked and me and let me fall
Anxious to reach the end

I sat a while, watching you
Picked myself up and wondered
If in my stumbling I'd revealed
The weaker of us two

You made great time, hit all the stops
I waited impatiently
You never once glanced back to ask
What had become of me

All the while I kept me sights
Set firmly on your race
Willing you to turn around
To have our eyes lock once again

The thing about this race
Is victory is empty if solo
You reached the end and realized this
Had no where else to go

I saw you standing there
Defeated and alone
I took my first steps back on track
Towards the victory of my own

Psalm of Taylor Elaine

2008-03-05T20:24:00.004-07:00

Be with me this day, O Lord, that I might have the companionship of Thy sweet spirit.

As I travel down this often lonely path, help me see the way back to Thee. I have wandered off before; lost in the thorns and branches of confusion, tangled in the binding vines of iniquity. But Thou camest to me and pulled my broken spirit out of the dangers of the dark and thick wilderness. Thy loving arms encompassed me and held me safe against the stinging blows of mine enemies. Thou gavest me a new light, refilled my waning oil, and set my feet back on the path I had strayed from. With my spirit rekindled, I walk more surely in Thy ways; searching for truth and seeking Thee in all things. Help me to lead for others, that they might experience the love I feel and know of Thee. Let my testimony be a light in the darkness, a beacon of truth shining through dark clouds.

Give my prayer wings that it may rise into the expanses of heaven and fall on loving ears.

LOVE

2008-02-15T01:16:00.003-07:00

What is Love?
Love is an emotional attraction
A battlefield of thoughts and actions
Unspoken magnetic powers
Love is War.

What is Love?
Love is a psychological trick
An invention of society
A happenstance happily-ever-after
Love is Chance.

What is Love?
Love is the fear of being alone
The need for companionship
The terror of living for no one but yourself
Love is Fear.

What is Love?
Love is larger than life
Unpredictable, priceless, and pure
Deeper than the universe itself
Love is Unattainable.

Peeling Paint

2008-02-13T04:39:00.003-07:00

Ignorance never was bliss
What I didn't know, what I refused to accept
Hurt me in the end

Everything comes in its own time
Slowly the sands of time cover, hide
My mistakes, my foolishness, my regrets

And among the crystalized stones
New hope is born, fires rekindled
Friendships bandaged, healing
Self awareness replaces self conciousness

Popularity makes way for confidence
Feelings of hatred, anger, disgust
Fade into the background
Their memory faint
Another layer of paint on the wall of life

Soon to be covered with a new color
A new leaf
A second chance

Death

2007-11-19T04:04:00.000-07:00

For whosoever tasteth of Death
Has come to know the meaning of Living

It is in the moment of Death
That we realize the gravity of Life

We should not fear Death
For Death strikes Faith
Not Fear
In the hearts of Man

We are not afraid of Death
Only of a Life half lived
Wasted

We do not mourn for those who know Death
We mourn for those who only know Life

In order to defy Death
We must live Life

Confessions

2007-10-11T03:05:00.000-07:00

I'm a liar
I've played a trick on myself all these years
I thought I believed
But I don't

There is no such thing as
True Love
It's something that only exists in fairy tales
And happily ever afters
But this is no bedtime story

My broken heart can finally stop beating
It lives on its own time now
Forever pounding
Forever on its own

These tears that cascade down my cheeks
Illuminate the sparkle in my eye
My destiny is for my choosing
My fate my own

Forever marching to a different beat
Forever single
The lies end now

bnjk

2007-10-07T03:28:00.000-07:00

Suddenly and swiftly it ended
Hurt and confused I stumble
A wave of overwhelming emotion washes over me
I welcome the tears that stream down my face

Unceremoniously they cleanse my sorrow
Purge my insides
Unlock the wall I've built inside
And free my bridled passions

Why is it those you care about
Are the ones who suffer the most?
Why do we allow ourselves to be led on
By someone we'd give the best to?

Not anymore
But not anymore
Passion gives way to indifference
Apathy sets in

Lovers become friends
Suddenly and swiftly

Undecided

2007-09-22T04:25:00.000-07:00

Trying to calm these butterflies plaguing my stomach
Failing miserably

Just do it
Just do it

Nervous

Working up the courage to make the first move
Impatiently waiting

Just do it
Just do it

Undecided

Insomnia

2007-09-10T05:46:00.000-07:00

Wandering somewhere between hysteria and disillusionment
I find myself staring off into space
Thinking
Reflecting on a day half lived; a night half wasted
A heart half broken

Teetering on the tightrope of reality and what is real
I catch myself falling into anxiety
Stressing
Worrying about fair weather friends; passing boys
A conflicted self image

Sliding between the grasps of depression and insecurity
I feel myself losing control
Crying
Longing for a ray a light; a glimmer of hope
A taste of unconditional love

Impatience

2007-08-26T04:21:00.000-07:00

A thousand crafted words couldn't tell you
What my eyes locked in yours could convey

A million love sick lyrics can't do the trick
When a simple smile or kiss knows what to say

The person you are searching for
Has already found you and is waiting for more

A Pimply Poem

2007-08-17T03:48:00.000-07:00

Woke up this morning
Looked in the mirror
AHHH!

A Red Carpet Beauty Crisis

Great. Just great.
Ack!
Pizza Face.

Just let me hide under the blankets today.
Hide until the horrid acne goes away.
FOREVER.

It's not cute
I don't want it on my face, on my body, on me!
I don't feel pretty
With a ring of pimples around my face
Covering my face
An Invasion of Acne!

But I still like me
Even with an entourage of pus-filled landmines
And honestly, who could resist me?

(Hopefully no one!)

Room of Glass

2007-08-06T21:20:00.000-07:00

Smudged windows
The prints of fingers and a nose
A girl looking through
The room of glass

Perfection mounted on the mantel
A place for every object
Order, cleanliness, and obedience in
The room of glass

Soundproof walls
Absorb the frustrated cries
Of a rebellious teen torn by
The room of glass

Hot angry tears wash
The telltale prints of defiance
The girl remains lost in
The room of glass

The doors slam with a bang
She looks around to find
The hairline crack in the walls of
The room of glass

Another slam shatters
The restless tranquility of
The room of glass
Home

Rebellion

2007-07-19T07:03:00.001-07:00

A frozen moment suspended in time

Categorize me, tie me down
Hold my wings and watch me struggle

Existence hangs in a standstill

I'll just rip through the pins that hold me down
And fly away with tattered wings

Tuesday's Shower

2007-07-17T04:55:00.000-07:00

The pitter and patter of rain
Like falling stars
Unbridled bursts of stolen energy
Rhythmically bringing life to a fading world
Silence mixing with salty tears

Rippling puddles of distress and sorrow
Coupled with the humdrum of a busy life
Overflow with potential
Burn with intensity
Stillness hangs in the humidity

Trickling raindrops
Shadows of the cleansing ritual
Sweet music of sparrows bathing
Rejoicing in the renewal
And yet Peace reigns

Stolen energy hangs in existence
Observing, waiting, partaking
The beat of life moves forward
Pounding, stomping, progressing
Beneath the Serenity of a hidden corner

Drowning

2007-07-15T05:40:00.000-07:00

blank mind. blank heart. blank page.

no surprise
not unprecedented
nothing new

once again the water is
kiddie pool deep

so shallow the water laps at my ankles
i have never swam any where else

nothing new. not unprecedented. no surprise.

blank page
blank heart
blank mind

2007-07-10T07:00:00.000-07:00

These tears that run down my face
Are only symbolic of the chaos in my mind

Fireworks

2007-07-05T19:04:00.000-07:00

They light up the sky
If only for a moment
A brief wonderful moment
Where fire dances across your eyes

The fire lingers in your eyes
After the fleeting beauty dies

I had my chance at fireworks
But I went and blew it

Now I'm left standing
Staring out into the rain
With only a box of matches
And wet gun powder

There's a glimmer of hope
But not until the sun comes out

Stalemate

2007-07-02T06:40:00.000-07:00

I want you out of my brain
Out of my heart
The thoughts of you overwhelm me
Poor, inexperienced me

Thinking is good for the mind
But bad for the body and soul
Gotta get you out
And lock the door
Before I cross the line
I don't want to anymore
Make it easier on me

Leave me discontented
A broken heart, a battered soul
Leave me to my sorrows

Lost so I can find myself

Philistine

2007-07-02T06:36:00.000-07:00

Jealous...of me? Why?
Because I dare to do what you don't?
Because deep down you can't understand me?
Because you can't figure out my attraction?
Can't see the good in me?
Maybe you're looking too hard

Defiance

2007-06-29T01:38:00.000-07:00

Like the fork in an old dusty road
A decision to be made
I can’t be rushed, can’t be hurried
But bid my sweet time with whirlwinds

Mesmerize me with your charm
Invite me to explore
Bid me welcome, tempt me in
A fork in an old dusty road

I can’t be rushed, can’t be hurried
But help me on the way
I’ve built this wall, brick by brick
Trapped beneath the stones

Bury me in my misery
Stone me with my feelings
Harass me for defying you
For being independent

Is it such a crime to do it my way?
Such a crime to be myself
A fork in an old dusty road

Destiny Plays Favorites

2007-06-26T19:52:00.000-07:00

I hope he goes to Hawaii
On vacation and never returns
Gets eaten by a shark
'Cause I am sure that then he'll learn
But Daughter Darling, you surely can't
Wish someone all that ill
Oh yes Mother, I can
I can and I will
He says those things about me
That two-faced, lying jerk
My feelings are sore, my spirit crushed
So let's hit him where it hurts
In all my years of living, Child
I've had my share of pain
But one sweet lesson that I know:
Revenge drives men insane
But Mother, don't you care?
I'm in agony right now
He forsake our friendship
And I'm supposed to forgive? How?
He was mean and I got hurt
I can't sit idly by
Can we switch stations please?
Love songs will make me cry
Don't worry Darling, it will pass
Boyfriends come and go
You're at the age of seventeen
There are other fish, you know
Remember the ill you wished on him?
A news bulletin claims on the radio
He wrangled with a nasty shark
And now lies six feet below

I'm In Love With A Smoker

2007-06-26T19:48:00.000-07:00

The lines we cross
Across our hearts
In the name of love

The scars we leave
Across our hearts
In the name of love

You're everything I've been told to avoid
But I only want you more

Want to touch you
Smell you
Taste you

You intrigue me
Captivate me
Confuse me

I know I mystify you
Attract you
Interest you

But words get in the way
Society steps in
Impliments the boundaries
And waits

We wait too
Staring, hoping, dreaming
Surrounded by lines
Traditional, age-old lines

With pounding hearts
The lines are crossed
The alarms ring
The tale tell sign of rebellion

The broken lines mean nothing
Hands intwined we leave behind
The mess of age-old lines

Hypocrasy

2007-06-26T19:44:00.000-07:00

If what you say
And what you do
Are different
What you do
Shows the true you

It's easy to talk the talk
Not so easy to
Walk the walk

Especially if the
Talk
Is different how
You want to
Walk

You aren't what you say
You're what you do

The Plague

2007-06-26T19:41:00.000-07:00

Like a fog that settles
On an unsuspecting town
Or the shadow of a stranger
Over your shoulder

Doubt surrounds you
Wraps you up in your senses
And wrecks chaos on your peace

The veins of uncertainty
Creeps towards your heart

The oxygen turns sour

You surrender to the darkness
Embrace its cold, twisted ways
And extinguish the fragile light
Of what used to be a strong flame
Of
Confidence

Too Timid

2007-06-26T05:39:00.004-07:00

I’m too timid to tell you
What I really think
Can you imagine me timid?
Is that humanly possible?

I am so loud and funny
And probably conceited
I talk to everyone
And try hard to be friendly

When I am around you
I am like that
On the outside

On the inside I am melting
My heart pounds so loud
I hope that you can’t hear it
Can you?

Inside I melt away everything that I try to be
And become the person that I am
You bring out the best in me
Did you know that?
Now you do

I am too timid to tell you
What I really think
Too timid to put my heart on the line
Can you forgive me for that?

I am not perfect
But I can love with a perfect love
In my eyes you are perfect
Can you accept me for who I am
Or will you leave me as well?

Take me as I am. I can be good for you
I’ll make you smile, I’ll make you happy
Give me a shoulder to cry on
My tears are reserved for you

I haven’t wasted any yet
I hope I never have to

With You

2007-06-26T05:39:00.003-07:00

I swear you are magic
When I am with you
You change me
Like you have cast a magic spell over me
One I don’t want removed

When I am with you
I love you
I am too scared to admit it
But my heart knows it the truth
I hope that you can feel it

When I am with you
Do you love me?
How about like?
I can live with that
Do you go through what I do?

Around you
I strive to be a better person
I want to be someone you can count on
In turn, I hope you wish the same
That would be wonderful

With you it seems
Impossible
Unreal
So far away
So much comes between us
Friends, family, feelings…

But never do I not want you there

I would be happy to spend forever
With you

The Way You

2007-06-26T05:39:00.001-07:00

The way you walk
Disgusts me
The way to talk
Disgusts me
The way you flirt
Disgusts me
The way you wear your shirt
Disgusts me
Your life
Disgusts me
Your toil and strife
Disgusts me
The way you act
Disgusts me
Your so-called “facts”
Disgusts me

YOU DISGUST ME
AND EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR
IS NOTHING
IN MY EYES

Simply Waiting

2007-06-26T05:38:00.003-07:00

What do you think of me?
Am I just another girl
Or is there something else?

Do you want to find out
What makes me me, makes me tick?
It’s one heckuvan adventure
Let me tell you…

I am different from
The Other Girls
Can’t you see?
Don’t you know I want you to see?

I want to take you on
My adventure
I want to share yours too

I want to steal kisses
Hold hands, flirt
Laugh, talk
I want all of that and more
I’m willing to share
I’m waiting for you
Simply waiting

Sickeningly Ironic

2007-06-26T05:38:00.001-07:00

Life is so
Sickeningly ironic
The longer you have it
The more you’re disgusted

Everything is always
Changing
Sometimes for the better
Mostly for the worse

Friends falter and fade
Like a dying candle
Without a match or wick
Because you can’t afford it

Why is it the people
You hate
End up being those you love
And remember for eternity?

Why is it those who most
Need your advice
Never listen to your words?

A Collection of Choruses

2007-06-26T05:36:00.000-07:00

No—I’m NOT head over heels for you
What do you expect me to do?
Can’t you see I just want to have fun?
You ended that one before it even begun

You thought you knew better
Well—get a life
I just want to be friends
I don’t want to be a wife

Fashioned from his rib to protect his heart
As hard as I try I just can’t play the part
I love you, I love you, but do I really?
It’s eating away; I can’t stop this feeling

I'm Not Saying

2007-06-26T05:35:00.002-07:00

Hey you
I think you are growing on me
Just like a color
Grows on a room

I’m not saying
I love you
But I am saying
You’re kinda cute
(In a goofy sorta way)

I’m not saying
I want something more
I am quite happy
With what I have already

I am saying, however,
That even though we’re
Not meant to be
Or meant for each other

I kinda like you
In a guy friend sorta way

Want To So Bad

2007-06-26T05:35:00.001-07:00

Terrified, lonely
Is that what you wanted for me?
I thought you cared
Was everything a lie?
I want to say
I HATE YOU
—want to so bad—
Mommy always taught me honesty
So I’m stuck on an emotional roller coaster

Do you even know how much
Pain you caused me?
I’ll never forget the feeling
Of falling into an abyss without end
The abyss of my heart
When I found out I wanted to cry
You hurt me so bad

How can I not hate you?
I’ve always craved for your attention
I can’t lie to myself anymore though
No Band-Aid will help this time

Noodles and Shrimp

2007-06-26T05:34:00.000-07:00

Possible?
No…yet…
When you aren’t around
Your saving angel
You are carefree
Happy
Alive
Tied at your
Angel’s side
You are serious
Creepy
A zombie
A brainwashed tool
Don’t you know what happened to you?
What happened to my friend?
If you run into him
Send him my way
The door’s always open
I can’t cook
But there’s life miracle:
Chinese Take Out
Over noodles and shrimp
We can reminiscence
About happier days
When we weren’t afraid to love
Instead of now
Emotionless
Brainwashed
Zombies

The Magician's Assistant

2007-06-26T05:33:00.002-07:00

She waltzed in and stole the show
Took everything I lived for
You left me hanging, Hon, don’t ya know
It’s late: I’m walking out the door

Can’t stand to see her work her spells
Try her tricks; nothing’s different
They say magicians never tell
But how about assistants

She’s got ya wrapped around her little finger
You’re nothing but her pawn in operation
Me and you, we’re traveling strangers
Lost in transit between lonely stations

But I believe, some day, some how
You’re gonna get what you signed up for
Babe, it ain’t coming for you now
So please, darling, forget her

Here I am, forgotten, dismissed
She stole my glory
The way you act, boy, it gets me pissed
You won’t hear out my story

We had our time, our chances
It’s over, let’s face it
We’ve talked the talks, danced the dances
Together let’s erase it

Falling for the magician’s trick
You sold your soul
Honey, I’m finished, it’s making me sick
It’s time I made me whole

Can’t stand to see her work her spells
Try her tricks; nothing’s different
They say magicians never tell
But how about assistants

Coming Back Changed

2007-06-26T05:33:00.001-07:00

I’m leaving for a while
Can’t forget your sad smile
But honey, it’s not for long
Just dream of me while I’m gone

Remember the silent times we had together
‘Cause now things are getting better
Distance makes the heart grow fonder
Please hold on just a little longer

I’m leaving now, coming back changed
Getting my priorities rearranged
Won’t organize you outta my mess
‘Cuz loving you is what I do best

I’m coming back different, FYI
So kiss those memories goodbye
Today’s the tomorrow we dreamed of yesterday
Staying constant, it just don’t pay

I won’t forget you, remember me
How we were, we used to be
I’m looking forward to returning
Our love candle’s still burning

I’m leaving now, coming back changed
Getting my priorities rearranged
Won’t organize you outta my mess
‘Cuz lovin’ you is what I do best

I’m looking forward to returning
Our love candle’s still burning
Won’t organize you outta my mess
‘Cuz lovin’ you is what I do best

Just dream of me while I’m gone
Don’t worry, darling, it ain’t for long

Love You So Hard

2007-06-26T05:32:00.000-07:00

My heart is torn, my smile worn
My eyes are dim, there’s cold within

I’m lost I’m lonely, wanting you only
Divided between you who I gave my heart to

The dude from Texas I’ll sorely miss
He was witty and smart, right away stole my heart

Guys out here know what makes us girls glow
Behaving like gentlemen instead of pigs in a pen

My Utard guy was funny, kinda loud—but sweet as honey
His smile made my hard skip beats; a day without him is incomplete

There’s a knight for me so full of chivalry
That’s the truth and they’re the proof

I’ll tell them I love them
Love them so hard
I love you so hard

“I love you so hard” that’s what I say
If I say my guys in the upcoming days

You touched my heart, captured me from the start
Love you so hard tomorrow today; please, I beg you, take me away

Cuz I love you so hard

There’s a knight for me so full of chivalry
That’s the truth and they’re the proof

I Dream

2007-06-26T05:30:00.000-07:00

Life used to me so easy
I used to feel so free
I spent my days dreaming
Of you with me

I crossed my fingers hoping
Nothing would change
But I knew it wouldn’t
Cuz we can’t stay the same

Life’s not so easy now
I’m feeling tied down
More like the caretaker
Less like the clown

I dream of us together
Just in different days
You take up my nights
While others fill my days

I want to be with you
Even for a while
You make me laugh
And put a sparkle in my smile

But now I have changed
And you need to as well
My expectations got higher
And my feelings fell

If you’re willing to change
Then I’m willing to stay
If not, then so sorry
I’ll head on my way

I dream of us together
Just in different ways
You take up my nights
While others fill my days

Feeling Not-So-Hott

2007-06-26T05:29:00.000-07:00

It’s waking up feeling not-so-hott
Being ignored by someone you like a lot
Loving someone you thought you despised
Feeling like a loser in everyone’s eyes

Trying to be cool, gonna be “bad”
Then being told you look like your mom; act like your dad
Nothing you do ever turns out right
Lying in bed at night thinking “gotta get me a life”

You don’t get the attention that you crave
You’re lost with no clue how to behave
You’re head-over-heels with someone you never see
Cuz the other guys just let you be

You played by the rules, obeyed the game
But none of the boys even know your name
The other girls got the catch of the day
While silently you watch them strut away

Feeling unimportant, like nobody cares
Your problems are trivial compared to theirs
All your life playing second best
Nothing but average, mixed in with the rest

But that’s a lie, someone always loves you
You can’t see Him, but His love is true
He takes you as are, smoothes out the rough edges
Tends to your wounds, puts ice on your bruises

He gave everything for your life
So walk with Him in His light
Next to Him you belong
There’s a place just for you within His arms

So be prepared for trial, opposition, temptations
They’re here to stop you, to cause frustrations
To steer you from the path you know
And lead you way down deep below

Remember what you stand for, who you are
Keep your values, raise the bar
You deserve nothing short of great
But sometimes it requires a little wait

You are important, lose the blues
He’ll drop everything and come for you
You’re not second fiddle, instead the best
The crème de la crème, cut above the rest

Just Lost

2007-06-26T05:28:00.002-07:00

I’m tired
So tired
Tired of pretending to be
Something, someone I’m not
Lost in a world of lies
A cruel unchanging world

I smile
Just smile
I smile because I can’t bear
The thought of crying
Unwilling to show my emotions
I suppress and ignore them

I’m hurt
So hurt
Hurt from the slicing
Stinging pain of neglect
Nobody bothers anymore
—I’m nobody anymore

I cry
Just cry
I cry because there is no hope
No justice, no joy
I never noticed and
Now I don’t have the chance

I’m sad
So sad
Sad because now I am trapped
Trapped in a world I created
Unable to keep the junk out
It filled my very existence

Lost
Just lost
Gone from memory
Someone no ones sees
Wandering, still wandering
Lost

It's Over

2007-06-26T05:28:00.001-07:00

Stop ruining my life
I don’t belong to you
I never have
And I never will

You’ve driven everyone
Away from me
Now you are driving
Me away from you

You’re living in your own world
Reality is an unknown term to you
This relationship is only in your mind
There is no you and I

Please just leave me alone
I can’t stand the thought of you
You damper my spirits and
The emotional life gets heavier each time

I don’t need your permission
Nor does anyone else
Just stop showing off
Before you hurt yourself

There’s no winning me over
I already made that promise
So just make things easier
And forget me

The chance has been blown
It’s over

You

2007-06-26T05:26:00.001-07:00

You taste like the sunset
You sound like the dew
You feel like a rainbow
Cuz I’m wrapped up in you

You make me smile
You make me blush
You give me courage
When I ain’t got enough

I think about you
Thinking about me
I want you so bad
Oh can’t you see

I’m not that different
I’m not this cool
So lost in love that
I’m acting like a fool

You taste like my sunset
Cool, crisp, and new
Please be my rainbow
Cuz I’m falling for you

The Sweet-Bitterness of Friendship

2007-06-26T05:24:00.002-07:00

Just do your best you told me
I guess my best just wasn’t enough
Just be yourself you once said
Obviously I’m not up to snuff

I’m lost in obligations
Failing because I fear
Mourning the lost of a friend
I thought would always be here

I got the message
What am I supposed to say
You tell me I’m not perfect
And I gotta act like it’s ok

I know I wanted drama
To spice up my average life
Next time I make a wish like that
I’m double checking twice

If being average means
Feeling like everything’s alright
I want that more than being
The brightest start shining at night

I really try my hardest
But you rarely seem to notice
Maybe I should run away
They say life’s better when in show biz

You don’t have to humor me
I understand where you’re coming from
But before I forget you, remember this:
I may act stupid, but I’m not dumb

The Icy Cold Inside

2007-06-26T05:24:00.001-07:00

The mind plays a million tricks
But the heart plays hundreds more
I was such a fool to fall for you
And now I’m embarrassed like never before

My broken heart aches
I can’t stop the pain
Can’t heal the icy cold inside
And it torments me to hear your name

Thinking about how we’ll never exist
Leaves an ugly taste in my mouth
I should move on now
Succeed by living a life without

A life without you

Always

2007-06-26T05:23:00.001-07:00

I don’t ask but I accept
I don’t call but I answer

Stripped of pride
Bathed in humility
I plead with you
Give me chance
Do I have a chance

I just want one chance
To prove to you my worth
Just like the wildflower blooms
With a beauty all her own
My potential is amazing

You ask and I accept
You call and I answer

I always answer you

Untitled

2007-06-26T05:22:00.000-07:00

Eyes like burning windows into
The kingdom of your soul
A kingdom full wonder; plagued with mystery
Gates waiting to open other worlds

A smile like heaven’s happiness opening
The beauty of your heart
A beauty laced with tears; woven with laughter
Wings hoping to stretch in the flight of love

A touch like lightning sparking
The romance of your mind
A romance born of spirit; fed with want
Lips longing to answer the cry

A taste like icy waters surging
The passion of your spirit
A passion lined with courage; tempted of fate
Unbroken by the unforgiving game

JIN AH 3/23/07

2007-06-26T05:19:00.001-07:00

With mocking smiles we dance
On the edge
Too young to be old
Too old to be young
We thought we were immortal
Toying with destiny
Flirting with fate
Having fun just because
Living life just for kicks
We swore we were invincible
Unstoppable
The cruel change of tide
Rocked our boat
Too early to be late
Too late to be early
We learned we’re only human
Tears to fill the empty
Sobs to stop the pain
Fearful of the unknown
Careful in our steps
We know that life is tragic
Tragic
And short