Mourning

Obscenities scream in my head
Carbonated bubbles bounce mercilessly
Against the uniformed tin cans
The quickened pounding betrays me
Tears, the second traitor

My precious sanctuary lies in ruins
Destroyed by disease
Marred by illness proven invincible
Demolished, obliterated
Erased

Fumes invade my body
Nausea renders my spirit useless
Overwhelming waves of emotions crash
Releasing ocean spray so dangerous
I shrink from anticipation and spoiled dreams

Lightning cracks omniously off the cliff
Crackling dryly in the moist air
I long for the electrifying shock to free me
Falling silently I shut my eyes to the pain
The thunder echos my repressed screams

5 Minutes

1:25 AM
I just don't know anymore.
Do you? Don't you?
Should I care? Maybe.
Do I care? Too much.

1:26 AM
I don't need you.
I don't need this heartache.
Leave me alone.
But don't leave me lonely.

1:27 AM
I'm drowning in nothingness.
Haunted by emotions and memories.
Dreams play through my mind.
Leaving me empty and hurt.

1:28 AM
Please...just go.
Stop unknowingly toying with me.
My heart can't take much longer.
The tears start falling...and don't stop.

1:29 AM
...
Is this love?
If it were a color, it would be grey.
Too sad to be white, too shady to be black.

1:30 AM
All I want is you to want me.
To hold me. Love me.
Tell me I'm ok, please.
My broken heart beats out of time.

Cascading Memories

Lazy raindrops snake across the windshield
Blurring my vision, changing the world
Silently I trace the outline of our feelings
A fluid, ever changing shape

Time stands still
Locked in ice, frozen in motion
Our bodies finally fit the mold
Our feelings created months ago

As I watch the cleansing droplets spill
The wind brings an unwanted coolness over me
Content with memories of you and me
I finally feel at peace

Too Late To Turn Back

In the hopes of falling in love
The arms race of happy endings
We met along the pathway
And ran together for a while

But I stumbled on our journey
Reached out to grab your hand
You looked and me and let me fall
Anxious to reach the end

I sat a while, watching you
Picked myself up and wondered
If in my stumbling I'd revealed
The weaker of us two

You made great time, hit all the stops
I waited impatiently
You never once glanced back to ask
What had become of me

All the while I kept me sights
Set firmly on your race
Willing you to turn around
To have our eyes lock once again

The thing about this race
Is victory is empty if solo
You reached the end and realized this
Had no where else to go

I saw you standing there
Defeated and alone
I took my first steps back on track
Towards the victory of my own

Psalm of Taylor Elaine

Be with me this day, O Lord, that I might have the companionship of Thy sweet spirit.

As I travel down this often lonely path, help me see the way back to Thee. I have wandered off before; lost in the thorns and branches of confusion, tangled in the binding vines of iniquity. But Thou camest to me and pulled my broken spirit out of the dangers of the dark and thick wilderness. Thy loving arms encompassed me and held me safe against the stinging blows of mine enemies. Thou gavest me a new light, refilled my waning oil, and set my feet back on the path I had strayed from. With my spirit rekindled, I walk more surely in Thy ways; searching for truth and seeking Thee in all things. Help me to lead for others, that they might experience the love I feel and know of Thee. Let my testimony be a light in the darkness, a beacon of truth shining through dark clouds.

Give my prayer wings that it may rise into the expanses of heaven and fall on loving ears.

LOVE

What is Love?
Love is an emotional attraction
A battlefield of thoughts and actions
Unspoken magnetic powers
Love is War.

What is Love?
Love is a psychological trick
An invention of society
A happenstance happily-ever-after
Love is Chance.

What is Love?
Love is the fear of being alone
The need for companionship
The terror of living for no one but yourself
Love is Fear.

What is Love?
Love is larger than life
Unpredictable, priceless, and pure
Deeper than the universe itself
Love is Unattainable.

Peeling Paint

Ignorance never was bliss
What I didn't know, what I refused to accept
Hurt me in the end

Everything comes in its own time
Slowly the sands of time cover, hide
My mistakes, my foolishness, my regrets

And among the crystalized stones
New hope is born, fires rekindled
Friendships bandaged, healing
Self awareness replaces self conciousness

Popularity makes way for confidence
Feelings of hatred, anger, disgust
Fade into the background
Their memory faint
Another layer of paint on the wall of life

Soon to be covered with a new color
A new leaf
A second chance